The Round Table- (READ) Would You Date/Marry Your Friend's Ex?

I got this rather intriguing mail sent to my inbox by a worried lady from Lagos and thought i should share for comments and/or advice. Remember, this is a live issue and your comments in the form of advice would be welcome. Kindly refrain from abusive, insulting and denigrating comments to disparage the lady in Question. Be as civil as possible. The mail goes thus:

Dear Sir,

As you read this, i am at a cross roads in my very eventful life so far. I am a lady of 28, a UK trained Physiotherapist working with one of the biggest hospitals in the Lagos Metropolis. I graduated in 2011 and did a brief stint at Leeds in the United Kingdom before relocating to Nigeria in 2012 where i got a full time job with one of the prestigious hospitals around. I am comfortable and have been so since i was a kid given my relatively rich background. I also do consultancy work for organizations and individuals including two football teams in the Nigeria Professional league. Let me also point out at this juncture that i am quite beautiful with a graceful figure to accentuate that. I am about 5'10 in height with aquiline features any woman out there would die to have. One of my strengths is my voluptuous hips that men drool over. I have been at the center of a dating tug of war among numerous men some of whom have not been able to confront me to voice their feelings. Even when i moved to England to further my studies, i drew a lot of cat calls from lecherous male students and quite understandably, jealousy from the females.

 I however kept my focus riveted on my studies and avoided parties and social functions as much as possible. Dont get it twisted, i was never a religious person either. I just wanted to focus on my education and career especially as all my needs were taken care of. So i saw no reason to mingle with the male folk for money or romance. The only guy i was ever close to; Richard wanted sex from me which i was not ready to give and had to throw in the towel after 15 months of platonic dating. I moved on quickly from that even though i was very fond of Richard. The experience made me more circumspect in dealing with men in general and i became wary with every other guy that approached me for a relationship. It got so bad that rumours started flying around that i was a lesbian. But i could'nt be bothered with all of that.

Had a childhood friend, Nancy who was at the University of Cardiff in Wales, UK. Nancy would always find time to hang out with me whenever she was free. We were inseparable. She was the sister i never had as both of my only siblings are male. We would confide in each other in everything and shared everything. Unlike me, Nancy was more outgoing and would bug and pester me for days to attend one party or the other. By 2010 when i was rounding off my programme, Nancy was already head over heels in love with a guy whose name i never quite grasped at the time. Nancy in her mischievous and garrulous fashion would share their sex-capades telling me how sweet he is both as a man and as a lover. Naturally, i envied her even though i never showed it while wondering when i was going to get that lucky with men. I however found every excuse in the world not to meet this guy until the bubble burst. Nancy found out her boyfriend was cheating on her with a Kenyan girl. It was a devastating experience for my good friend and who else to comfort her but me?

Nancy relocated to Abuja shortly after to heal from her wounded heart. I did'nt get back to Nigeria till almost two years later. For some strange reason, my friendship with Nancy waned. We hardly saw or talked and completely stopped sharing the secrets that have been the reason for our strong bond over the years. A lot of things happened to me in the course of all this. For one, i met my Prince charming. Bobby is every woman's dream. Caring, urbane, polished and soft-spoken. An Architect by profession, Bobby's 6'4 muscular frame gives the wrong impression that he is a professional basketball player. However, underneath the imposing physique is a very loving and gentle man. We had met at a function at the Luxurious EKO hotels and Suites. He was what i imagined my man to be and i did'nt waste time hitting it off with him in every sense. Again for some strange reason, i dithered in communicating my joy to Nancy as i wanted to be sure we were headed for the altar before lifting the lid. We dated for almost two years before Bobby pooped the question and i wasted no time in saying Yes.

I immediately picked up my phone to inform Nancy who out of excitement urged me to send her Bobby's pics  which i did and all hell was let lose. My friend accused me of snatching her boyfriend and keeping it from her. Tempers boiled over and we said things we should'nt have. I naturally confronted my man and he confirmed the worst. Bobby was indeed Nancy's boyfriend in the UK that i never saw or met. Bobby is adamant he has changed and wants to go ahead with the marriage. Nancy is threatening fire and brimstone should we go ahead with our marital plans?. I have begged Nancy to understand that this was no fault of anybody but she would have none of that. Our parents have tried to broker peace to no avail. Bobby would'nt budge from his proposal and has given me an ultimatum to decide or he walks. 

My whole world has been brought to a shattering end. My happiness and peace is under  serious threat. Should i go with my head or my heart in this? I feel obliged to respect my friendship with my friend but how do i let all my happiness disappear over night? Would i ever be able to meet another man like Bobby. What has compounded my woes is that i am 5 weeks pregnant with Bobby's child. Should i abort the baby and abscond to a life of bitterness and uncertainty or should i defy Nancy's threats and go ahead with the wedding?.

Yours Sincerely,

Worried Lady.(Lagos)